Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy Birthday Smiley!!

It is so hard to believe this was taken 2 years ago!!  Yes, today Smiley is 10!  10!  A Webelo!  Two years away from receiving the Aaronic Priesthood!!  Today he looks like this:
In desperate need of a hair cut---but that is the agenda for tomorrow.  Today we are going to play and eat pizza and cake and I get to do grocery shopping---my favorite!  Ick!

As a fourth grader, Smiley is intelligent, fun, witty, studious, and a little mischievous.  He is playing community basketball and has decided that he is a baritone player.  He is an excellent reader and has a unique ability to put intellectual information together.  He is extremely logical and doesn't leave out pieces.  He is the exact duplicate of his father.  Watching him grow gives me a glimpse of what my husband must have been like as a boy.  He loves hugs.  He knows the doctrines of the gospel.  I hope and pray he will choose to apply that knowledge wisely.

Here are a few photos from Christmas Day.  Sun made all of us beenies, that's what we are wearing in the photos.  Have a great Holiday!!






Reads:  Mom, I love you always, even when you lay down the law!




We accidentally scheduled our missionaries to skype at the same time!  They got to skype each other too!










Thursday, December 25, 2014

FFF #46 Merry Christmas from us on Thursday :-)

Well, I should have written my family Christmas letter by now, but I have had a difficult time this holiday season so I am just a tad slow in that department.  Here is what has been going on at our house this year:

Slim graduated from Southern Virginia University in May and then came home to live until he planned on attending law school in the fall.  Due to the continuing consequences of 14 concussions (over the last 10 years), he needed more recuperation time than he originally thought.  He ended up postponing law school until the Fall of 2015.  He had planned on taking his final LSAT exam in December and reapplying to some of the schools.  The week of his exam, he decided that maybe he didn't want to go to law school and he had definitive impressions of where he should be and what he should be doing.  Two weeks before Christmas, he moved to Utah.  That may be why I am struggling this holiday season.  I really wanted my big boys to be home for Christmas and instead of one of them being here, he up and left too without much warning.  We are all adjusting and missing him.  Though we know he is in the right place and doing the right things, we are still sad.  His brothers in Utah, however, are having much more fun now that he is there.

Spanky spent the year in Utah, home for just a month in May.  He was engaged, and then not engaged.  He is doing well.  And I think he has finally settled in on his major!!  Maybe now he can get life organized to graduate from college :-)  Spanky is working security for the MTC (missionary training center) and learning more about himself as he continues his education.  He and Sport are in the same housing complex at BYU but they are in different wards.

Scuff is just five months away from finishing his mission!!!  Because of visa complications, he spent his first 12 months in Colorado, and the final 12 months in Brazil.  Slim cannot wait for him to come home because then they can speak Portuguese to each other and talk about everyone around them.  Ya...we are all looking forward to that...NOT.  I am very excited to see him and SKYPE with him tomorrow.  Hopefully, the storm we are currently experiencing will not knock out our power!!  Pray for SKYPE power!!

Sport just finished his first full-time semester at BYU!  He took an animation class, one of the pre-requisites to the program.  Next semester he is taking another one.  He has decided that he loves animation and it is definitely the way he wants to go.  I think this next semester he has a few more art classes which should help him to enjoy his time on campus and relax.  He is not very interested in dating, though he has plenty of social opportunities and I think he will put in his missionary papers in February with plans to leave after Scuff arrives home.  He wants to see his brother.  When we get the details of his call, of course, we will let you know!

Speedy is just a couple of months away from turning 16!!  The conversation has only revolved around cars and driving but there hasn't been much talk about dating.  So that is interesting.  He has been frustrated and swamped with homework, however, he is making the adjustment and at the moment is simply glad to have zero requirements to be met for the Christmas break.  I cannot believe the oldest of our second set is just around the corner from dating and driving.  Where does the time go???

Sun has really been struggling this year with homework.  She is bright and she can do it!!!  But getting her to do it willingly has been like pouring out molasses during a snow storm.  OH.MY.GOODNESS!!  I have never struggled so much to motivate someone in my entire life.  Seriously!  When I feel overwhelmed and life is coming at me from all angles, I put my head down, organize myself by what can get done the easiest and the fastest and be out of my way, and then I just start biting off pieces of the elephant.  Sun does not work that way.  She hides in her room with a book, and her pile just increases exponentially because even though she has stopped working, the work didn't stop coming in.  I don't know how many times this year, I have sat down and helped her to organize her workload, talked to her about strategies for accomplishing things, bolstered her self-esteem, planned rewards for accomplishment, etc....  It has been exhausting!  And still, over Christmas break, she gets to try and finish off four of her five classes before the next ones start in January.  Oy!  We had her Christmas break in October, for the entire month, and then again a few weeks in November and definitely the last two weeks after Slim left.  Holy Cow!  If you have any suggestions for me, I'll listen.  On the brighter side of life, she is performing in The Little Mermaid, Jr. over the weekend of my anniversary.  She is playing one of Ursula's eels and she is singing a duet entitled, "Sweet Child".  She is an amazing little actress and singer.  One day, while watching her rehearsal, I got creepy goose-bumps because she was acting creepy.  I wasn't even watching her, but the feeling just enveloped me.  I can't wait to see it on stage!!

Shorty is really enjoying his sixth grade year.  He has been to school with these boys since kindergarten.  He loves his teacher and we love her!  And he made the school basketball team so that craziness has begun.  In June, he'll graduate and prepare for his favorite two years (home with Mom for seventh and eighth grades).  But for now, he is loving life!  He has also been quite the little missionary.  His friend Isaiah has been attending church with us for about 2 months now.  He and his mother are taking the missionary lessons in our home.  I think Isaiah would have been baptized a long time ago but I am glad his mother is wanting to know what he is learning about.  Isaiah is a great boy and we love having him come with us!

Smiley is turning 10 soon, like in just a little over a week.  I cannot believe the last of our second set of four is almost in the double digits.  Seriously!   10?  Really??!!  It probably would seem more realistic if he didn't spend almost all of his waking hours fighting with Spike Spike.  I never knew that children who were far apart in age, if they are still next to each other in birth order, fight just as much as the ones who are closer in age.  Can I get another:  Holy Cow!
Spike Spike constantly pushes his buttons, because that is his personality.  Smiley doesn't talk and tries to physically manipulate Spike which he will not tolerate.  So between the two of them, there is constantly yelling, screaming, whining, and occasionally hitting.  They are exhausting!  It is like having Slim and Spanky (on steroids) in the house again, except they are 7 years apart, not 19 months.  Sheesh!  Finally Drew told Smiley that if they had any more problems, he needed to know that they were all going to be his because he was old enough to know better and work with other people and Spike wasn't yet.  Man!

Spike Spike finally potty trained!  And now we are looking at the adjustment to Sunbeams and Primary.  Already, he is struggling.  We have been bringing the 'almost Sunbeams' into singing time.  Spike will not sing when they sing and then he is sad that he didn't get to sing with them so he wants them to sing it again, which they don't, and then he melts into a puddle and I have to take him out.  I'm sure the transition will just be lovely, so stay tuned for that.

As for me and Drew, we are doing fine and well.  I have been learning a lot about myself and my thoughts and feeling toward my parents and recognizing how I function based on my experiences growing up.  The Lord is helping me understand that there are things I need to learn, like how to trust Him, how to ask Him for help, and then to believe Him when He tells me He has it covered.  (That is only significant and huge because growing up I learned that I could not count on people or trust them with things I needed or asked for, or if they told me they would take care of something, they usually didn't.)  Consequently, I do not have many expectations of people because my experience has been that they are going to let me down anyway.  I'm sure my behavior has been difficult for Drew as well, because I lumped him into the 'people' category, even though he doesn't deserve that and has never given me reason to believe that I can't trust him, or he won't help me.  So we have had to work through that.  But at least now it is in our conscious conversation not running a muck in the background of our relationship.

But through all of our trials and growth and development, we have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ!!  We know that with His help, we can do all things!!!  We know that anything He asks of us, He has already prepared the way for our success if we are willing to listen and then to obey His instructions!  We rejoice in the season to celebrate His birth here on the earth and acknowledge His hand in all things.  We pray that our hearts will be soft enough to follow His counsel, listen to His prophets, and obey His commandments and recognize when we need to implement the great gift of His atonement in our lives!

May you and yours enjoy this most magnificent holiday season, always remembering our Savior, Jesus Christ!

copyright:  Karen Larsen photography
Merry Christmas my friends!  Merry Christmas!



Friday, December 19, 2014

FFF #45 Nurturing the Individual

So I don't know if you noticed, but each of the people who live at my house, and at your house, are individuals.  They are unique.  Their thoughts and feelings about the world are different than yours or mine or their siblings.  Their fears and concerns, they are different too.
Yes, there are 'normal adolescent' behaviors, most growing babies and children reach the same milestones within a given time frame, but that doesn't mean their perception of life and the world around them is the same as their peers or other children of that age.

I probably spent over an hour last night with my Sun, discussing her fears and concerns about growing up.  She doesn't want to.  She is doing all she can to avoid it.  This entire week she has been upset because she recognizes that in about six months she will be in high school.  "High school is for the big kids!" she told me.  "And now, I am going to be one of the big kids.  I don't wanna be!"

That is so entirely different from me or any of her brothers.  I couldn't grow up fast enough.  Bring it on!!!  I wanted to be an adult!  Now that I am an adult, I would really like to be a teenager again.  I don't want to have little babies again, or go through childbirth again, or raise toddlers again, (just because those things were really hard for me).  But I loved being a teenager and playing basketball, volleyball, participating in band and playing my trumpet---I loved those things.

I love other things about motherhood that I did not have as a teenager.  I love the relationship I have with my teenagers and my adult children.  I love being able to drive where I want and when I want, though as a mother I spend most of my driving time shuttling people to and from their activities and not my activities!  I love having a relationship with my spouse---someone I can always count on, even when I don't think I can.  He is always there.  He always love me---even if I don't feel that.

Yesterday, he had a work party where they had a gift exchange.  I looked all week for a gift for that party.  Nothing I picked out would work.  Finally, the night before the party, Drew went out all over town looking for his gift.  He came home with something but it wasn't what he wanted.  The morning of, he asked me to wrap it.  Sure.  Because I have nothing else to do at 7 in the morning.
Well, I was willing to help him out.  And I wasn't being passive-aggressive.  I intended to wrap his gift.  I brought it in the kitchen and set it down as I pulled some breakfast together for the crew.  Then I heard a crash!  I turned around and there was Drew's gift, in pieces on the ground.  I broke it.  It fell off of where I had placed it.

I went in to tell Drew.  With a long face and droopy countenance, I informed him that I had just broken his gift.  He looked at me for a minute and started laughing and said, "I guess you get to go shopping today.  Here is what I really was looking for, and I just need it by 11."  He continued laughing the rest of the morning, even though I felt horrible.

I am grateful he loves ME and not things (including money)!  He is learning how to nurture me and I am learning to nurture him and together we are learning how to nurture our people.  Each one teaches us something new and each one requires us to stretch and learn and grow because they are all so different.

The trick is helping each one feel loved and learn from their mistakes and improve who they are and how they manage themselves and their responsibilities.  We are all going to make mistakes, even as adults!  And when we do, if we are big enough people to admit that and take our lumps and apologize to the people we have hurt, including our children and our spouse, then we are becoming the right kind of people indeed!

So there is my soap box for the week!

Have a very Merry Christmas and enjoy the holidays!  I will, even though my big boys are not home!  Maybe we'll even have photos :-)



Friday, December 12, 2014

FFF #44---I thought it would settle down.

Remember last week when I told you life was just crazy at our house?  Well, I thought we were at the tip top for how stressed out things were and what was going on.  I was wrong.
On Monday of last week, Slim told us that he thought things weren't heading in the right direction and he thought he should scrap his life plans and go a different direction.  We were shocked, but it is his life and we want him to be happy and successful in that happiness.  The entire week, he struggled with whether or not to take his last LSAT (I guess you can only take it three times within five years and this would have been his third time).  Every time he tried to prepare to take his LSAT, he was grouchy, irritable and stressed.  When he discussed doing something else (which I will save for later because it is still in the works), he was light and excited and buoyant.  His personality was like night and day as he discussed and debated between the two options.

Finally, Thursday before the test, he decided that he didn't like law and hasn't ever liked it and he isn't really good at it.  So he withdrew from his last LSAT.  At this point, he still has been accepted to law school and has a place for the fall if he wants it, but he does not need to make that decision until around March or April when he would have to start putting money towards school.
Then, Saturday afternoon, he told his father and I that he felt like he needed to move and move next week, like out of the state.  Seriously?  You have no money and no job.  But, as my son is becoming quite adept at listening to the Spirit, and as he has been following those thoughts and promptings and counseling with the Lord throughout the steps, things are falling into place.  I won't post this until Friday, but I am writing on Tuesday morning.  Slim is leaving tomorrow!

I am really struggling emotionally!!  His decision is so sudden and happening so quickly that I have had no time to process.  I am sad that he is leaving because I know when he leaves this time, he won't be coming back.  He is moving out forever!  I went through this once, when he left for college after his mission.  I thought then that he wouldn't be coming back.  I was worried I would struggle with his return, because though I love him dearly, he is just a little high maintenance and sometimes he causes me stress.  But I love him dearly and he has been so much fun to have at the house!!  The relationships he has built with his younger siblings has been priceless!!  He and Shorty were close before, but now he is close with all of the littler generation at our house.  He loves them all and they love him!!  As you can probably guess and see, I am not the only one struggling.  Drew is sad and all of the children are sad.  I need to tell Spike.  I don't think he knows yet.
He is licking her nose!
In fact, just yesterday Sun said to me, "Wait, you mean Slim is MOVING to..........?  Not just visiting for Christmas?"

"Yes.  That is what we have been talking about all weekend!."

"Why didn't anyone tell me??"

So today, I will get to help her manage her emotions.  So since she didn't pick up on it, I suppose I had better make sure the rest of the littles who are here know so we can deal with the drama all at once.
Had to include this cheesy Flynn smolder!

Anyway, I have really, really enjoyed having my boy home.  I am also sad because I really really wanted some of the big guys home for Christmas and now I will have none of them here!  So that makes me sad too.  I think I have just needed to write all this down so I will actually cry, because I still have not done that yet.  I am so retarded sometimes!!
Last night, we had all Slim's buddies over to hang out and say their farewells.  Today will be packing and purchasing travel tickets.  And tomorrow he'll be gone.  And then maybe I will cry all weekend.  The bad thing about loving them so much is how sad you are when they leave!
Sun's going to sing her first solo in church on Sunday, in Slim's young adult ward, because Slim was in charge of the program for that Sunday and he isn't even going to be there to hear her sing.  I am sad about that too.  Now I really need to decorate for Christmas, before I am too sad to do it.  Life is really crazy sometimes.  And just when you think it is at its craziest, the crazy escalates!

I just had a brilliant thought!  I need to take photos of Slim with each of the littles.....that will help each of them!  If I get that done, I'll post them with this blog.  If it posts without photos, just know that we had a huge storm here Wednesday and my power might be out!!  :-)  I have to prepare for that today too.  Love you friends!
And this is how I am managing the day.
 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

LOOK!!!

I got a new phone....which has a camera!!!  (And internet!!!)  So I can post photos!  These aren't anything special.  I was just messing around with it, but check it out!




And they loaded incredibly fast!!  Technology is so cool!  And yes, the entire family room is messed up because the ping pong table is still in the family room.  The missionaries are jealous (I mean my missionaries, the ones who live here when they are home).  I haven't decided if I LOVE that our house is flexible and changes for us to enjoy it and have fun or if I HATE it because it can't really stay 'clean' if the furniture is always is disarray.  But whatever!  It is what it is and my children love that we move stuff out of the way and rearrange things to play ping pong, build forts, put up a tent, watch a movie, have a picnic dinner on the floor....the house is in a constant state of flux (not with walls and flooring like in the house I grew up in) but with furniture, so we can play.

Anyway, have a great day!


Friday, December 5, 2014

FFF #43--December Craziness!

I have been swimming in craziness this week, and stressed.  I thought if I laid it all out there I might understand why I am stuffing my feelings and feeling crazy.  So here goes.
Spike has been sick.  He has been extra clingy and whiny, though he is sleeping alright, and he plays.  So then I forget that he is sick until he coughs or sneezes or I have to wipe his nose.  But he isn't eating well, which is contributing to his whining.  Last night I was just finished with him even though I hadn't been home a lot of the day.  That is probably why he has been extra needy, especially yesterday.

I spoke with both Spanky and Sport yesterday about finals, dating, not being home for Christmas, work, and generally their lives.  They are both feeling stressed because finals are coming up and all of their college work is due soon (major papers and projects, etc...).  They needed some Mom support.

Slim is not feeling well and stressed because he is trying to decide if he is taking his last LSAT on Saturday.  He has been trying to study and prepare for weeks.  The closer it gets to Saturday, the more stressed out he is and the more his head hurts.  He is trying to make big decisions about what he should be doing with his life and what it is going to look like for the next little while.  It is causing him significant stress.  So even though he is not asking me for help in making that decision, he is grouchy and physically needy because he doesn't feel well and is stressed out.

Sun is grouchy and unmotivated because she has procrastinated her homework for months.  The semester ends on December 19th, but her work has to be done by the 12th so we can order her finals.  When she is stressed and overwhelmed, she just quits working.  It is like moving molasses in the snow to get her working when she is in that place.  She hides and reads her books instead of doing homework.  I feel like every time I turn around I am trying to find her and help her get moving.  She kind of needs me to sit down and hold her hand to help her push through the wall of her attitude.  It is exhausting!!  Also, her play is scheduled for January 9th with two weeks of Christmas break so the rehearsal schedule and intensity at the moment is in our faces.
Add to that basketball season starts.  Speedy made his school team, with a wonky practice schedule that I am not always aware of.  Yesterday I thought he would be home to babysit for Sun's rehearsal but he had practice.  Half an hour before we had to leave, I didn't know if I would have a babysitter or have to take the little guys with me.  Speedy ended up skipping practice, for which I was grateful, but stressed until I figured that whole thingy out.  Shorty has tryouts on Monday and Tuesday of next week.

We also had dinner guests for Slim's birthday on Monday (another turkey dinner with a ping pong tournament in the family room----the table STILL sitting in my family room---FYI).  We have dinner guests scheduled for Friday with a missionary lesson.  And did I mention it is my month for sharing time in Primary?  I keep forgetting to get that ready and my house is trashed.  And Drew has extra bishop work because of tithing settlement and we have some singing assignments for church.  Yep........I can kind of see why I am feeling a little stressed out.  Did I mention that I have been sick too?

I haven't even gotten out my Christmas decorations yet.  It just feels like more than I can manage right now, but I know if I will just do it, I will relax a little more and enjoy the season.  And I need to turn on some Christmas music and watch my Christmas movies.  That will help too.  But with all there is to do, I have not felt like I have time to pull out the decorations, sit down and watch a movie, or even listen to special music.  I think that is where I will start.  I can clean and listen to Christmas music.  Then when things are cleaner, I will feel like there is space for Christmas (maybe once the ping pong table is out of the family room!!)  OK that has to go.  My family will not be happy.
So here is how I handled that stress.  I said my prayers and read my scriptures.  I took a shower, because I hadn't had one in two days.  When I got out, I put on something that made me feel happy, powerful, and confident.  It wasn't something that I would wear if I were presenting something at work, just normal comfortable clothing, but something that made me feel like I could conquer the day.  I put on make-up and did my hair, even if it only took five minutes.  While in the shower, I realized the most important thing I could do that day was help Slim feel confident in making his decision and help him to see how his behavior has changed based on what his plans were.  Slim and I spent only about an hour together, but through that time, he made some significant decisions and discoveries that helped him make his decision.  Once the decision was made, his attitude was softened and brightened.  I bought laundry soap and an easily prepared dinner, so those responsibilities weren't weighing on me.  I assigned one of the children to make dinner and another one to comfort Spike.  I took Sun to class and relaxed for the two hours we were there.

When I got home, I threw my diet out the window and just ate what I had one of the kids make because making something, even little for myself seemed too much work for the day.  I thanked Heavenly Father that my cell phone is out of commission for the day because it is fewer people to get a hold of me.  Today I will do better with my eating and take Spike Spike to the doctor.  Then I will turn on Christmas music, clean my house, and pull out the decorations.  Yea for December!! :-)