Formula for Happiness

I have been struggling emotionally a bit.  I mentioned in a previous post that we had been considering a major life change (moving and a new job).  I realized my major reason for pursuing these things was because I was unhappy where I live.  The largest factor in my unhappiness:  most of my friends have moved away.  I was ready to move away and make new friends.

The Spirit has helped me to recognize my motivations for desiring change and my husband has helped me to recognize that starting a new job, leaving our home, and changing everything for the children and us simply because my social life wasn't what I wanted it to be probably wasn't very realistic or fair to the rest of the family.  (How much time does a mother of nine really have to socialize anyway??!)  As the opportunity to move passed, I felt the weight of sadness settle in.

I recognized several things, which are all 'triggers' for me:

• Food.  I have been eating stuff (milk mostly....ice cream, cheese, butter) I am allergic to, but I LOVE!  (I even splurged and bought a jar of basil pesto because for the recipe I wanted needed 1 tablespoon.  But I bought a 22 ounce jar---44 tablespoons!--and ate a little every day!)  This is one of my coping mechanisms---comfort food, food I love but should not be eating!  I justify it because I am sad and it makes me feel better.
• Staying up late and sleeping in.  I can't do this everyday.  But occasionally I stay up later than I should watching something entertaining because I want to feel better emotionally.  I sleep in later than I should (which causes a bad start to an already busy day).  I justify this behavior because I am tired, or I think I'm getting sick, or the baby was up in the middle of the night.  The truth is, if I had gotten up when I should have, regardless of why I didn't, the day would have gone better.
• Scripture study and prayer.  I am a schedule person.  I do better with a consistent schedule.  My very best scripture reading time is first thing in the morning.  If I get up late, or the children are already up, or the baby is awake, or I'm running behind schedule, I justify not reading right now and tell myself I will get to it later.  I NEVER consistently 'get to it later'.  I know that.  I have to take time in the morning.  I need to be in the standard works (Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, Conference addresses) a little each day.
• Exercise.  Just a little bit of physical activity does wonders for me emotionally.  When I am emotionally struggling, I usually quit exercising as well.  I need those 'feel good' endorphins that come from physical activity, even if it is just a quick walk around the block!
• Service.  Service has to be a part of the happiness equation.  This is never lacking for me because I am a mother with children at home.  But if you do not have consistent opportunities for service, then you need to find ways that you can help lift and serve other people.

The Spirit has let me know most of my emotional struggle is because I have not been diligent in the food, schedule, exercise, and scripture study departments.  These are the areas the adversary uses to keep me off balance and interferes in my ability to receive personal revelation.  Yes my friends have moved.  Yes I am sad.  But I would be managing it all better if I were also diligent in those areas and I would have peace and happiness, even though I miss my friends.

So..................I am climbing back on the wagon, a little at a time.  First things first.  Scriptures and prayers every morning regardless of time, even if I only read one verse.  I am eliminating milk (easier said than done---but I do it all the time!  Guess I'll give away the rest of the pesto and not buy anymore!)  Exercise and schedules I'll look at correcting in the next week or so, but let's make the more significant changes first.  Let's face it, I know where my strength comes from.  If I am trying to develop a healthy body, would I quit eating?  So when I am trying to develop a healthy spirit (strong and happy), should I stop nourishing it?  Absolutely not!  This is where my strength to persist comes from!  This is the most significant and necessary change to have in place!

Oh, and I'm almost done painting the 'man cave' (family room) which is helping my mood A LOT, too!  (And planting pretty flowers----a girl's gotta' have flowers, right?)

Chin up, move forward!  Come on little camper, we can do this!! (This is my positive self-talk :-)

General Conference--Awesome as Ever!

photo credit: lds.org

What a fabulous weekend!!  I love General Conference!!!!  I have been watching 10 hours of General Conference (for us women, if you include the General Young Women's Meeting in April and the General Relief Society Meeting in October) for the last 25 years.  It is never a disappointment.  In fact, they are the weekends I live for.  You may believe watching that many speakers would be tiresome, but for me, it uplifts and heals my soul.  It gives me information and direction for the coming six months and this conference was no different.

We have always wanted to make Conference Weekend something special at our house so our children would look forward to it.  In the beginning, we just bought everyone a new coloring book and new crayons or markers, so they would have something quiet to do for the time allotted.  As our traditions grew, we added having pizza in between Saturday's sessions.  Then we began inviting the missionaries over to have pizza with us.  Saturday evening we usually have something light for dinner and make cookies.  For Sunday, we have sandwiches and chips in between sessions.  They broadcast some amazing videos and other information in between the sessions.  For a while I could hardly pull myself away, but I did want the little ones to go outside and run around in the sunshine for a bit.

Even though we have these fabulous traditions (they are fabulous to me), the best part about General Conference is the spiritual uplift I receive.  Probably for the last 15 years, I have been bringing questions to conference---ANY questions, and any number of them.  One year I wanted to know what to do with our old, dead suburban.  Was I suppose to fix it ($3,000 of repair which we did not have)?  Was I suppose to get a new car (we couldn't afford a car payment)?  And if we weren't going to repair it, how was I to dispose of it?  Now do you think ANY of the brethren or sisters who spoke directly addressed this question for me?  Nope, not one.  But as I listened, I heard the Spirit whisper to me.  I knew we needed to get rid of the suburban.  It would not be worth our money to fix it and we did not have it.  I went forward in faith.  Just so you know the end of the story, we borrowed a friend's van for several weeks.  Then one of the people I love in my ward, came to us and offered to sell us their van because they were leaving on a mission and their children couldn't use it.  We explained our finances and told them we would love to, but didn't know how we could afford it.  They didn't care.  They made arrangements we could manage, and brought over the van and title.  I wept, and wept.  The Lord knows our needs and He will take care of us.

Another time, I had a question about something I read in the scriptures, a particular passage and phrase.  I had looked it up, cross-referenced it, and read everything I could find about it.  Nothing.  I prayed to know what it meant.  I took the question to conference.  During the conference, Elder Oaks quoted the scripture I had in question, and then said, "This means....."  I about fell off my chair.  A direct question, a direct answer!  I had not had that happen before or since.  But I know the Lord knew my question, heard my prayer, and inspired an apostle to explain the meaning.

Sometimes my questions are about temporal things, sometimes they are about spiritual things.  Always they are unique to me, because they are my questions.  I have taught the children to come to conference with questions, to sit, literally, at the feet of the Apostles and to drink from the Spirit that presides at that meeting, to receive answers, inspiration, healing and direction.  When you have that direct of a link to the Spirit of the Lord, why would you be or do anything else?  I cannot.  I need that information and healing, that direction.  I spiritually need it.

I have noticed something else.  The earlier I began preparing my questions, the earlier I receive the answers.  I try to have my questions ready the week before General Conference, so I have them when I listen to the General YW meeting or the General RS meeting.  This year was no different.  I started receiving answers, in one case, even before I knew there was a question.  Little bits and pieces of information started trickling in.  I held onto them.  Realized I had a question.  Asked the question, and almost immediately received answers.  Then during conference, I received reasons, sacred reasons for some very serious and hear-rending questions for me.

And I will add one more example.  When I was sealed in the temple, we were waiting in a sealing room before the ceremony began.  I had a question about the endowment.  I asked Drew.  He didn't know the answer and told me that it wasn't important.  But I really, really wanted to know.  As we were waiting, our sealer (the man performing the ceremony) approached us.  He said he had felt impressed to explain something to us.  He then went on to answer my question, verbatim, without me ever asking him.  The Lord knew my question.  From the time I have been asking questions, He has been answering them.  He will do the same for you.

Now, I know there are a few principles that need to be in place.

• I do my very best to do the things I know the Lord has asked of me.  Obedience is a key in receiving personal revelation.  I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but I always try to do what I know He wants me to. 
• I have been baptized in His church, through the proper authority.  Part of this ordinance, gives me the gift of the Holy Ghost, or the promise from my Father in Heaven, that if I am obedient, I have the right to the companionship of this member of the Godhead.  It is his responsibility to reveal truth.  You do not need to be baptized to receive revelation, but it certainly helps because there is a difference between the gift of the Holy Ghost given at baptism and the Light of Christ given to all men (that is a different post, to be written later).
• I do not ask very many 'why' questions.  I do not think they are very helpful.  I do wonder why sometimes, but more often than not, I try to phrase my questions more into things I need to do.  What am I to learn from this circumstance?  How do I manage this situation?  I guess I should rephrase that a little.  Why in terms of 'why do we do things in the church this way,' or 'why is this doctrine in place or important'---those are good 'why' questions.  But 'why is this happening to me' or 'why do I have to go through this'---those are not good 'why' questions.  Although I think the answers to these questions are important, I am usually not ready for the answers when I am asking those questions.  I find that as I go on in life, the answers to those questions come or I can later see what I learned from that experience or situation.  But in the moment of the learning, those questions impede my progress and do not aid in my spiritual journey.

So there it is in a blog post.  Make sure the next time you come to General Conference with your questions, you bring a pencil and paper to write down the answers.  What experiences do you have with receiving answers from the Lord?

Allergies...

We are an allergy ridden family.  Our allergies range from mild and annoying to severe and life-threatening.  I have had a little of a reprieve because our most severe allergies are had by the three oldest boys.  Having them as little people was quite stressful because it was easy for them to get into things they were allergic to without knowing how severe their allergies were.

photo credit: library.thinkquest.org

My oldest has an anaphylactic allergy to nuts.  An anaphylactic allergy means that each time the individual is exposed to the allergen, the allergic reaction increases until it eventually shuts down the respiratory system and the individual cannot breath.  Luckily, when we were figuring all of this out, I had a BYU professor who had friends whose children had a similar condition.  She alerted me to the dangers of this allergy as well as insisting I speak with my doctors about having an epi-pen, which is a single dose injection of epinephrine.  It is designed to keep you alive after exposure to the allergen, until you can arrive at the hospital and get further treatment.  (Yes, the allergy is that severe.)  When Slim was an infant, the last time he had been exposed, it took 3 shots of different medications before the allergy was under control.  Since he has been an adult and in charge of his own food and exposures, we have visited the emergency room more times than I can count because he ate something before realizing it had nuts or nut oils in the food.  It is not pretty and it takes several hours, not to mention the money.  Yuck!

My third doesn't have an anaphylactic allergy, but he is severely allergic to corn and all corn products, corn meal, corn oil, corn starch, corn flour, corn sugar, etc....and in the United States, corn is in everything--even crazy things like baking powder and ketchup!  Nuts, no corn!  His allergy doesn't affect his breathing, it affects his behavior.  When he is exposed, you would think he has ADHD.  He is super obnoxious, will not listen, is mean, hits, screams, bites, yells, it is very, very ugly.  Luckily for us, we figured out his allergy when he was about six weeks old.  (I am reminded that this was not luck.)  I prayed and prayed for answers because as an infant, he would never sleep.  I knew something was wrong and kept taking him to the doctor.  They would tell me he was fine, but I knew something wasn't right, and I knew the Lord knew what it was.  I plead and plead for the answer.  One night I craved a turkey dinner and we had corn bread stuffing, corn on the cob, and corn in the gravy and rolls--before I was a bread maker.  Scuff was up all night long that night.  I started suspecting corn as the culprit and I began my scientific research.  I eliminated as much corn as possible from my diet.  Remember I was a nursing mother and Scuff was only 6 weeks old.  When the baby wouldn't sleep, I would read all the ingredients of everything I had eaten and I always found corn!  Benadryl is my dear friend in this process.  It won't take away the reaction, but it surely tempers it.

Here are some interesting allergy thoughts (no scientific proof, only my own experience):

• It takes about four days for the allergy reaction to leave the little person's system completely.
• It only takes about 20 minutes before the allergy manifests itself after exposure, less time for the anaphylactic allergies.
• Benadryl does work, even for headaches, if the headache is due to an allergy and it will start to temper the reaction immediately, even though the full effect isn't for about 20 minutes.
• Everything you eat as a nursing mother, is transferred to your infant through your breast milk and they will react to it if they are allergic to it.
• Allergic reactions can be manifest as behavior, skin reactions, through your breathing, headaches, and others I am sure I do not know...these are what happens at our house.  (Even though the breathing ones are most life-threatening, I think the behavior ones are the worst and the most difficult to diagnose and figure out.)

Most of the rest of us are allergic to milk and milk products.  This is just an annoying allergy.  (I'm not addressing the hay-fever, animal allergies, and asthma---we have all of that here too.)  Most of the children get eczema, some have congestion issues as a manifestation of this allergy.  For me, it messes up how my body processes carbohydrates---that is a post for another day.  For my husband, he gets severe headaches, but only after significant and continued exposure.

photo credit: saltroommellinia.net

 So all of this background is necessary because last night we validated (accidentally) that my little one also has an anaphylactic allergy to nuts.  I have been suspecting that he is allergic to peanut butter because of the way he acted the only time I gave it to him. He wouldn't eat it and he kind of cried an whimpered about it on his plate.  I have not been feeding it to him because of my suspicion.  Yesterday, my sweetheart brought home some cookies from work.  I shared them with the children.  About half an hour after we ate the cookies, my baby started getting really agitated and grumpy.  He kept sticking his tongue out, which he does when there is something on it.  I asked him if there was something on his tongue, and he said no.  Then about 45-50 minutes after we ate them, he just started crying and crying and crying and would not stop.  I noticed his little eczema patches on his feet were getting really red and I thought they were just bothering him, so I put some itchy cream on them. That made the situation worse and he was more upset.  I gave him ibuprofen, thinking his  teeth were bothering him---still crying, and crying and crying, and more agitated and upset.  My husband suggested that maybe he needed some Benadryl.  I agreed that I was getting to that point and sent someone to get it.  It was then that I saw the nuts (in my mind) in the oatmeal cookies.  Oh my goodness!!!  Yes, get the Benadryl!  As soon as it hit his tongue, he started to settle down, not completely, but I could tell just the contact of the liquid Benadryl on his tongue tempered his reaction.  I think maybe his tongue was tingling and probably swelling.  It was then that I noticed his ears and face were turning red.  I started scratching his entire body, not hard, just to comfort him.  Because it was past bedtime, and we were worried about the reaction, we kept him up for about half an hour to make sure we had given him enough Benadryl to stop the reaction.  We did, and within 20 minutes, he was almost back to normal.  Poor little guy.

We have medication allergies as well.

Here is the last thought:  With all of our allergies, one of our doctors told me that the nut allergy is actually a triangle allergy.  Nuts, legumes, and shellfish are the three angles of the triangle.  Usually, if an individual is severely allergic to one end of the triangle, they are also allergic to the other ends of it, just maybe not as severely.  Our oldest has started manifesting allergy to peas, and green beans but not dried beans, like pintos or other beans.  We just avoid shellfish altogether because I am a chicken, epi-pen or not.  The baby hasn't been willing to eat peas either.  I think he knows his body doesn't like them.

In our house, we don't force our children to eat anything....even as little people.  I recognize that even though they may not be able to communicate it with me, they know their body and they recognize that they do not feel right when they eat certain things.  I err on the side of caution.  I also have a friend whose little one is allergic to eggs.  She throws up whenever she eats them, and it isn't just because she doesn't like them.  She does like them, which makes the allergy more difficult :-)

Anyway, if you want to have any allergy conversations, let me know.  Leave a comment with your email and we can do it personally instead of on the blog.  Allergies and little people are not fun.  They aren't so great for us big people either!

PS  Enjoy Conference!!!  It is almost time :-)

Five for Friday--emotional edition

This has been a super emotional week for me.  I have been totally ecstatic and completely sad.  It is so very strange to be on both emotional ends of life.  Just as a side note, I am typically very even keeled.  I do not have big mood swings and I keep things under wraps pretty well (more than I should, the Lord is helping me to learn).  So here are the highlights:

1.  My first guest post aired this week on Chocolate on my Cranium!!  It was so exciting for me!!  Not that I think everyone should read what I blog about, but it was really nice and uplifting to publish something well read and have positive feedback--not to mention all the extra traffic my blog received!  Woohoo!!  I can't wait to do it again sometime or just keep linking in so more great readers like you come back to check out what's going on here @ Building Eternity.  I like people!  What can I say??

2.   My big boys have needed significant help this week.  We have been figuring out plans for coming home from college, buying plane tickets, fixing tax issues, applying for college classes (for our missionary), setting up housing, applying for jobs and coordinating all of those things and all of those people, and also taking extra exams for high school entrance, and playing catch up in the homeschooling department because of weeks of sickness and extra people at home.  Whew!  There has just been a.lot.to.do.

3.  My husband and I have been considering a major change in our lives.  As I have pondered the situation and the decision before us, I have had some very stark emotional realizations.  The changes are not wise financially or temporally.  They will cause a lot of stress.  But I have wanted to make the changes because I am sad.  Now, I know I have this same relationship with food when I am sad, but I had no idea I would be willing to make other major changes because I was unhappy.  (Not depressed, mind you, just not super happy.)  So this entire week, I have been seriously pondering, praying, crying, feeling my emotions that I have been stuffing for weeks, and weeks, and weeks.  Wow!  I had no idea that stuff was in there.  Now that I have exhausted those emotions and figured out where I really am emotionally and why I am there, I am ready to move on.  I am going to make some small changes that can be managed financially and temporally.  I am finally going to paint the 'man cave.'  Yes!  Starting today :-)  Wait for the photos.

My awesome new curtains in the man cave

And new light sconces!!!  Instead of these:

Seriously??!!

4.  My baby has really started talking!!!  This week he started saying: 'bubbles,' 'Blue's Clues,' 'eggs,' and yelling for his Dad and asking for hugs.  He holds his arms out and says, 'a hug?'.  It is so cute!!

5.  And finally, I am so very grateful this weekend is General Conference, where I have the opportunity to listen to the prophets speak and have my sad soul uplifted and rejuvenated. Then I can kick myself back into gear and continue the work of the kingdom instead of being weary in well-doing.  Time to pull it together :-)  The words of the prophets are the exact thing to do it!!  If you want to listen too, you can join us HERE!!

Have a great weekend!  I know I will :-)


   

Teaching Children Morality

Check out my guest post today over at Chocolate on my Cranium

Thank you so much to Cocoa for allowing me to participate.  Enjoy the rest of her series on building a home :-)