Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Sayeth What?
Monday, August 10, 2015
Moms and girlies
My sweet daughter and I have been really bonding lately over quilting class. She comes with me every week and we work on it together during the week. One of us always has the sewing machine out, working on our quilt. Sun, currently, is just making quilting squares. She does not have a larger picture in mind and she just keeps adding to her pile.
Me, on the other hand, I have been trying to finish the project before seminary starts in two weeks. I will have the quilt top done this week and then I have to figure out what I am using for the backing, choose batting, then quilt them together and bind it up. That, realistically, will not happen completely before seminary starts. That is just the reality of the situation. But I am trying to pump it out, nonetheless.
I love the time we spend together. It is usually over our quilting projects that Sun starts to share some of her more private thoughts. She is worried about attending high school. It is big and scary. She is worried about the workload and if she can keep up with its demands. Will she have any friends? What if people don't like her? She is having some drama with her current best friend and we talk about that too.
Last Sunday she came home and stormed off to her room, threw some things down and disappeared.
I went and found her, turned her around without any words, and she just started sobbing. Poor girlie. Spike was with me and he said, "Mom, what's the matter with her?" I just told him that she was sad and I didn't know what was wrong with her. But we can just love her and hold her and when she is ready she will tell us what is wrong. So that is what we did.
She was sad off and on the entire week.
At one point, about 2 in the afternoon sometime last week, she was super grouchy and snappy at everyone. As the boys called her on her nastiness, it got worse and more biting. She was trying to quilt. Finally I asked her if she had eaten anything. She hadn't. So I made her get up from quilting and come and sit by me. She gave me the death glare and I asked her if the drama with her bff was still bothering her. She just started sobbing again. The boys tried to help her out and make her laugh. All of their efforts were not conducive to what she needed. I told them to leave her alone and just let her cry. She cried for about 20 minutes. Then she talked just a little bit. I told her to go and eat some food so she would feel better. She finally did.
Then she said, "Hey Mom, you were right."
'About what?'
"I cried and I ate and now I feel fine."
Yep. Too True. Low blood sugar mixed with sad and hurt emotions makes for a nasty sister. She apologized to her brothers---many of them.
Over the week we discussed how to handle her drama. Today when she gets home we will see how it went and if she was able to apply the things we discussed. Because drama is drama right? It doesn't really matter if we are four, fourteen, or forty--or more. The same principles apply.
1. Be kind.
2. Think about the other person
3. Pray for help about how to handle the situation and approach the others involved.
4. Review what happened and what you know. Is it possible you have said or done something offensive that you did not recognize? If you know what went wrong, could you have handled it differently? Should you have taken other things into account?
5. Pray to know when and where to ask clarifying questions and apologize---even if you didn't do anything wrong, sometimes apologizing for the person's feelings being hurt will help to open the way to communications.
6. Recognize that you cannot control other people and/or their feelings. You may be in a place to rectify the situation. They may not.
7. Be willing to accept how the other person feels about it and be prepared if they do not wish to rectify the situation or the relationship.
8. Pray for personal healing whatever happens and pray for the other person's heart to heal also.
There are probably others, but this will get you started :-)
PS She got home. She tried. There is still unresolved drama! (Sad face :-(
I love the time we spend together. It is usually over our quilting projects that Sun starts to share some of her more private thoughts. She is worried about attending high school. It is big and scary. She is worried about the workload and if she can keep up with its demands. Will she have any friends? What if people don't like her? She is having some drama with her current best friend and we talk about that too.
Last Sunday she came home and stormed off to her room, threw some things down and disappeared.
I went and found her, turned her around without any words, and she just started sobbing. Poor girlie. Spike was with me and he said, "Mom, what's the matter with her?" I just told him that she was sad and I didn't know what was wrong with her. But we can just love her and hold her and when she is ready she will tell us what is wrong. So that is what we did.
At one point, about 2 in the afternoon sometime last week, she was super grouchy and snappy at everyone. As the boys called her on her nastiness, it got worse and more biting. She was trying to quilt. Finally I asked her if she had eaten anything. She hadn't. So I made her get up from quilting and come and sit by me. She gave me the death glare and I asked her if the drama with her bff was still bothering her. She just started sobbing again. The boys tried to help her out and make her laugh. All of their efforts were not conducive to what she needed. I told them to leave her alone and just let her cry. She cried for about 20 minutes. Then she talked just a little bit. I told her to go and eat some food so she would feel better. She finally did.
Then she said, "Hey Mom, you were right."
'About what?'
"I cried and I ate and now I feel fine."
Yep. Too True. Low blood sugar mixed with sad and hurt emotions makes for a nasty sister. She apologized to her brothers---many of them.
Over the week we discussed how to handle her drama. Today when she gets home we will see how it went and if she was able to apply the things we discussed. Because drama is drama right? It doesn't really matter if we are four, fourteen, or forty--or more. The same principles apply.
2. Think about the other person
3. Pray for help about how to handle the situation and approach the others involved.
4. Review what happened and what you know. Is it possible you have said or done something offensive that you did not recognize? If you know what went wrong, could you have handled it differently? Should you have taken other things into account?
5. Pray to know when and where to ask clarifying questions and apologize---even if you didn't do anything wrong, sometimes apologizing for the person's feelings being hurt will help to open the way to communications.
6. Recognize that you cannot control other people and/or their feelings. You may be in a place to rectify the situation. They may not.
7. Be willing to accept how the other person feels about it and be prepared if they do not wish to rectify the situation or the relationship.
8. Pray for personal healing whatever happens and pray for the other person's heart to heal also.
There are probably others, but this will get you started :-)
PS She got home. She tried. There is still unresolved drama! (Sad face :-(
Friday, August 7, 2015
FFF #26 2015--Emotional check-in
The last week I have occasionally taken some ibuprofen because the muscles in my neck are stiff and tight. At first I chalked it up to pulled muscles from exercising. I figured since it isn't something I have been doing too often, when I do it, it causes some adjustments. But as it has been going on for days now, and I am really not doing any more or less exercise than I have all summer, I am probably just stressed out.
There isn't that much that I should be stressed about, at least that is what I tell myself. But I also know myself better than that. I do tend to put all my stress in my shoulders, lucky me. I think my underlying stress is all the crazy stuff going on at Drew's office and what that means for our family and our future. Yep. There it is---relaxing. Just saying the words out loud relieved some of the tension. It is scary that I do that to myself. I am protecting myself from the possibility of my husband losing his job.
At this point, there is no indication that that will happen. I just know the last 16 years personnel decisions of this court and when they don't think things are going well, they drop management and start over. I feel like that is where we are.........only today, Drew is management.
Can I just tell you how much easier it is to figure out what the problem is and relieve the stress than it is to take medication? I have been stressed for over a week, muscles tightening, stiff neck, sore back. I am still sore, it isn't gone, but geesh! I am less stiff and more comfortable just admitting that Drew's job situation is stressing me out!
I probably haven't told you because, well, this is a public blog and those are private issues. But, a little over a month ago, things blew up at the court. Within the week, the CEO had resigned. She finished out the month, but Monday, the interim CEO began, as they begin to recruit for a new CEO. Things are crazy. My husband is an extremely loyal man. He fulfills his job responsibilities and supports his superiors. Because of his support of the previous CEO, they (let's just leave that a huge, nebulous 'they') lump him in as a bad apple that goes with her. It doesn't matter that he has worked here for 16 years. It doesn't matter that the CEO who hired him put him into the entry level jobs when he was totally over-qualified with promises of management changes coming, and then it didn't happen that way and he stayed anyway. It doesn't matter that we took another job that supported our family better, they fired him, and he came back to the court and put together all of their payroll everything when the county had just dumped that on them with two weeks notice until payroll needed to come out and Drew figured it out and fixed it. It doesn't matter that they hired a finance guy over him, and he still stayed anyway. It doesn't matter that they fired the finance guy, gave Drew all of that finance guy's job and nothing close to his pay or title, and he stayed anyway. And now they have given him a promotion, above that finance guy's position, still nothing close to his pay, six weeks later the CEO quits, and he is staying anyway. Are you sensing a theme? I would have walked away a long time ago, but not my loyal sweetheart. He is ready to ride out the waves of change and make the best out of a not very promising situation. Usually he would be the one stressing about this and I would be telling him to relax and just not get too excited. 'Just take a deep breath! Gosh Dad.'
I guess I need to take my own advice and just take a deep breath, Carin. I feel like my spiritual receptors are out of focus, which happens when I am blocking my feelings. I just get into this survival mode and go through the motions of life. It doesn't help that life has been so very busy lately. It makes it really easy for me to put my head in the sand and just quash the little fires I have some kind of control over, while I sit back and watch the bigger fire rage, knowing my little bucket of water won't make much difference. Wow, there it is. I feel like our life is out of control, when in fact, our life is fine, it just may become out of control. I am stressing about what the future may bring.
I do need to just take a deep breath! I can relax! Why? Because my Father in Heaven is in control! He knows our family. He knows me! He knows all the people of the court, what they are thinking, what they are going to do with their thoughts and how everything is going to turn out. Maybe that is why I have had the 'Maybe Moving' feelings. So I guess I had better get on with that too. But, of course, my sweet and ever loyal spouse thinks I am crazy. But then, he often thinks that and I am not wrong always, just sometimes :-)
I cannot believe how much better I feel! Still a little sore, but mostly tension free. I really just need to turn this over to Heavenly Father and let it go, let it go...... (Anytime anyone at my house says, 'let it go' we all break into the Frozen song.......much to the chagrin of the boys--they are not amused!)
This is His game, His earth, my life, but He is in charge. And you know what? I can trust Him to take care of me and watch out for me. I do not have to do it by myself. So now I need to quit trying to. I am going to go take a jacuzzi bath--because I can! But here is the positive side of the issue, I am not eating--which is usually how I have handled this kind of stress in the past.
Now I know what I need to do. Thanks for listening!
There isn't that much that I should be stressed about, at least that is what I tell myself. But I also know myself better than that. I do tend to put all my stress in my shoulders, lucky me. I think my underlying stress is all the crazy stuff going on at Drew's office and what that means for our family and our future. Yep. There it is---relaxing. Just saying the words out loud relieved some of the tension. It is scary that I do that to myself. I am protecting myself from the possibility of my husband losing his job.
At this point, there is no indication that that will happen. I just know the last 16 years personnel decisions of this court and when they don't think things are going well, they drop management and start over. I feel like that is where we are.........only today, Drew is management.
| I smell smoke! |
Can I just tell you how much easier it is to figure out what the problem is and relieve the stress than it is to take medication? I have been stressed for over a week, muscles tightening, stiff neck, sore back. I am still sore, it isn't gone, but geesh! I am less stiff and more comfortable just admitting that Drew's job situation is stressing me out!
I probably haven't told you because, well, this is a public blog and those are private issues. But, a little over a month ago, things blew up at the court. Within the week, the CEO had resigned. She finished out the month, but Monday, the interim CEO began, as they begin to recruit for a new CEO. Things are crazy. My husband is an extremely loyal man. He fulfills his job responsibilities and supports his superiors. Because of his support of the previous CEO, they (let's just leave that a huge, nebulous 'they') lump him in as a bad apple that goes with her. It doesn't matter that he has worked here for 16 years. It doesn't matter that the CEO who hired him put him into the entry level jobs when he was totally over-qualified with promises of management changes coming, and then it didn't happen that way and he stayed anyway. It doesn't matter that we took another job that supported our family better, they fired him, and he came back to the court and put together all of their payroll everything when the county had just dumped that on them with two weeks notice until payroll needed to come out and Drew figured it out and fixed it. It doesn't matter that they hired a finance guy over him, and he still stayed anyway. It doesn't matter that they fired the finance guy, gave Drew all of that finance guy's job and nothing close to his pay or title, and he stayed anyway. And now they have given him a promotion, above that finance guy's position, still nothing close to his pay, six weeks later the CEO quits, and he is staying anyway. Are you sensing a theme? I would have walked away a long time ago, but not my loyal sweetheart. He is ready to ride out the waves of change and make the best out of a not very promising situation. Usually he would be the one stressing about this and I would be telling him to relax and just not get too excited. 'Just take a deep breath! Gosh Dad.'
| the fire is coming |
I guess I need to take my own advice and just take a deep breath, Carin. I feel like my spiritual receptors are out of focus, which happens when I am blocking my feelings. I just get into this survival mode and go through the motions of life. It doesn't help that life has been so very busy lately. It makes it really easy for me to put my head in the sand and just quash the little fires I have some kind of control over, while I sit back and watch the bigger fire rage, knowing my little bucket of water won't make much difference. Wow, there it is. I feel like our life is out of control, when in fact, our life is fine, it just may become out of control. I am stressing about what the future may bring.
 |
| Bless those men and women who battle this anyway! |
I do need to just take a deep breath! I can relax! Why? Because my Father in Heaven is in control! He knows our family. He knows me! He knows all the people of the court, what they are thinking, what they are going to do with their thoughts and how everything is going to turn out. Maybe that is why I have had the 'Maybe Moving' feelings. So I guess I had better get on with that too. But, of course, my sweet and ever loyal spouse thinks I am crazy. But then, he often thinks that and I am not wrong always, just sometimes :-)
I cannot believe how much better I feel! Still a little sore, but mostly tension free. I really just need to turn this over to Heavenly Father and let it go, let it go...... (Anytime anyone at my house says, 'let it go' we all break into the Frozen song.......much to the chagrin of the boys--they are not amused!)
This is His game, His earth, my life, but He is in charge. And you know what? I can trust Him to take care of me and watch out for me. I do not have to do it by myself. So now I need to quit trying to. I am going to go take a jacuzzi bath--because I can! But here is the positive side of the issue, I am not eating--which is usually how I have handled this kind of stress in the past.
| I hope we don't look like this when it is over. If we do, we'll rebuild! |
Now I know what I need to do. Thanks for listening!
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Favorite Spike-isms Recently
- After coming up to my bed at 4 a.m., Spike asked to sleep with me. I took him back to his bed and lied down next to him. With tone and attitude, he said to me, "Mom, your hair is messing up my sleeping."
- On his birthday, Scuff says to him, "Spike, you need to quit being so cute and having birthdays." To which Spike, in all honesty and sincerity, replied, "I just can't help it."
- After Speedy slept on the couch that night, Spike went running into his room after him, and said, "I slept in your bed...........ALL night!! Ahahahahahaha!"
- And my all time favorite, still: Drew arrived home from work, a little cranky. He was snapping at people about the state of the house. He really had only been home about 2 minutes. Spike was sitting on the living room couch with me looking at a book. (The back ground is that Spike gets really upset and super emotional about anything. So often, I tell him to 'take a deep breath and try to calm down'. And then we practice doing it. This works for Spike and it helps him to control his emotions.) Without even looking up, Spike says, "Gosh Dad. Just take a deep breath and relax!" It caught Drew and I both so off guard that we started laughing hysterically and it broke the tension in the moment. So funny!!
Monday, August 3, 2015
Service, Service everywhere.
What a whirlwind of a week! Life has been super crazy at our house. I thought it was busy with the wedding/reception, and it was, but it was also structured and orderly. This week, we have been cleaning up the stuff around our house, organizing our time and family business things. Drew's boss's last day was Friday, so there has been a bit of emotional drama there. His interim boss arrives on the job today.
Dani broke her ankle on Monday. We have not had much to do to help up to this point, but Richard returns to work today and Dani is in a cast up to her mid-thigh. She sees her doctors today with family, but tomorrow and the rest of the week, she will probably hang out here while Richard is working. I feel so bad for her!! Married four days when she broke her ankle! Ugh! Oh the great learning experiences start so soon sometimes.
Yesterday I got to teach Sunbeams for the third week in a row. I wasn't suppose to teach yesterday but their teacher was sick, so after Sacrament meeting the Primary President said, "Could you?" and of course, I could, just maybe didn't want to. But it turned out alright and it was fun, not stressful. This week I am teaching Relief Society and on Saturday, last week, we had a four hour training meeting for Seminary which will be starting in three weeks. So ya, life is a little crazy right now. Not to mention that school is also beginning within the next two to four weeks for all of my kiddos. I used to look forward to August as a kind of quiet month to get things prepared for the school year. This year, I think it is more stressful, probably because of the work necessary for seminary. Plus Spike got sick this week and then gave it to me. Three days of feeling nasty with a head cold. Lovely.
That is part of the reason there was no post on Friday. Crazy, crazy!
So, how do I keep my sanity during these times? Prayer and Scripture Study. It is the only way! I get up early, say my prayers, read my scriptures and spend some quiet time pondering about life. I am convinced that if I did not have that as a regular part of my daily routine, there is no way I could be as effective as I am or as sane in what is accomplished. That morning ritual gives me clarity. It helps me to know what is important for me to focus on that day and I usually include in my morning prayers, that I will see and do what the Lord needs me to and be able to set aside my own agenda.
Because we will be studying the Old Testament this year, I have been trying to get a handle on the timeline in the OT and understanding some of the history, geography and words of the prophets then. Yesterday I read the words of Isaiah, specifically chapters 42-49, I think. In these chapters, the Lord pleads with Israel and Judah to acknowledge him as God. He tells them the gifts and blessings he will give them. He offers them comfort and compares His ability and willingness to shelter and love them to the inability their wood idols have to do those things. In one verse, he specifically states that these idols increase their burdens, they do not lessen them, like He can.
As I was reading these chapters and feeling the sorrow these words evoked, I realized that it is that way today as well. We may not have idols of wood or stone, (or maybe some of us do) but we do have idols of wealth, popularity, position, prestige, health, etc...There are many things that we feel are important and we put our time and money into hoping that whatever we are pursuing will make our lives easier, more enjoyable, and bring us happiness. We allow these things to consume our time and our resources, but they do not always relieve our burdens, sometimes they increase our burdens.
Then, this morning, I read this article: Sustained by God's Love. Only her relationship with our Savior sustained her through this trial. Yes, the love of others helped her, but why did they assist and serve and love her? Because of their relationship with Him. Our modern idols would have done nothing to comfort her heart and heal her grief. But the Savior not only has felt her grief, he also knows how to succor her grief. Turning to Him is what allowed for her healing and understanding.
This is kind of a rambling post. But I know the Savior lives. I know He loves me and is aware of me, my efforts to live consistently with my beliefs, and knows the burdens I face. He perfectly knows how to nurture me, comfort me, guide me and direct me. He can do more with my life than I can. And when I reach out to Him daily, through prayer and scripture study, He sustains me and helps me to manage the responsibilities I have before me, and can tell me where to put in my time and energy--where it will matter the most.
Have a great day!! This week is also crazy, but I will try to keep blogging. No promises :-)
Dani broke her ankle on Monday. We have not had much to do to help up to this point, but Richard returns to work today and Dani is in a cast up to her mid-thigh. She sees her doctors today with family, but tomorrow and the rest of the week, she will probably hang out here while Richard is working. I feel so bad for her!! Married four days when she broke her ankle! Ugh! Oh the great learning experiences start so soon sometimes.
 |
| copyright: Karen Larsen photography |
Yesterday I got to teach Sunbeams for the third week in a row. I wasn't suppose to teach yesterday but their teacher was sick, so after Sacrament meeting the Primary President said, "Could you?" and of course, I could, just maybe didn't want to. But it turned out alright and it was fun, not stressful. This week I am teaching Relief Society and on Saturday, last week, we had a four hour training meeting for Seminary which will be starting in three weeks. So ya, life is a little crazy right now. Not to mention that school is also beginning within the next two to four weeks for all of my kiddos. I used to look forward to August as a kind of quiet month to get things prepared for the school year. This year, I think it is more stressful, probably because of the work necessary for seminary. Plus Spike got sick this week and then gave it to me. Three days of feeling nasty with a head cold. Lovely.
That is part of the reason there was no post on Friday. Crazy, crazy!
So, how do I keep my sanity during these times? Prayer and Scripture Study. It is the only way! I get up early, say my prayers, read my scriptures and spend some quiet time pondering about life. I am convinced that if I did not have that as a regular part of my daily routine, there is no way I could be as effective as I am or as sane in what is accomplished. That morning ritual gives me clarity. It helps me to know what is important for me to focus on that day and I usually include in my morning prayers, that I will see and do what the Lord needs me to and be able to set aside my own agenda.
Because we will be studying the Old Testament this year, I have been trying to get a handle on the timeline in the OT and understanding some of the history, geography and words of the prophets then. Yesterday I read the words of Isaiah, specifically chapters 42-49, I think. In these chapters, the Lord pleads with Israel and Judah to acknowledge him as God. He tells them the gifts and blessings he will give them. He offers them comfort and compares His ability and willingness to shelter and love them to the inability their wood idols have to do those things. In one verse, he specifically states that these idols increase their burdens, they do not lessen them, like He can.
As I was reading these chapters and feeling the sorrow these words evoked, I realized that it is that way today as well. We may not have idols of wood or stone, (or maybe some of us do) but we do have idols of wealth, popularity, position, prestige, health, etc...There are many things that we feel are important and we put our time and money into hoping that whatever we are pursuing will make our lives easier, more enjoyable, and bring us happiness. We allow these things to consume our time and our resources, but they do not always relieve our burdens, sometimes they increase our burdens.
 |
| copyright: Karen Larsen photography |
Then, this morning, I read this article: Sustained by God's Love. Only her relationship with our Savior sustained her through this trial. Yes, the love of others helped her, but why did they assist and serve and love her? Because of their relationship with Him. Our modern idols would have done nothing to comfort her heart and heal her grief. But the Savior not only has felt her grief, he also knows how to succor her grief. Turning to Him is what allowed for her healing and understanding.
This is kind of a rambling post. But I know the Savior lives. I know He loves me and is aware of me, my efforts to live consistently with my beliefs, and knows the burdens I face. He perfectly knows how to nurture me, comfort me, guide me and direct me. He can do more with my life than I can. And when I reach out to Him daily, through prayer and scripture study, He sustains me and helps me to manage the responsibilities I have before me, and can tell me where to put in my time and energy--where it will matter the most.
Have a great day!! This week is also crazy, but I will try to keep blogging. No promises :-)
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