Looking UP!! Today!

Recently, I have been weighed down with the responsibilities I have and the ones I feel are coming.  I often find myself asking HOW do you expect me to do this??  I am not adequately managing what I have and now you are giving me more!!

One of the things I am amazing at is juggling!  I do not mean with balls, bowling pins, swords, or the like.  I mean people, activities, jobs, workload----prioritizing.  I do not know where it came from.  Mmmm, yep, I do.  It is an innate gift from God.  I am sure.

My entire life has always been full of too much to do with too little time.  But I have this inner sense to know what has to be done NOW and what can wait and what really doesn't have to be done.  When I am totally overwhelmed, I follow this process:

1.  Pray at night to know the Lord's priorities
2.  Get up early
3.  Pray to prioritize the Lord's way
4.  Read scriptures
5. Write down the thoughts and impressions that come
6.  Use that list as my "how and what to focus on today" list
7.  As I recognize other things that need to be done, make an "Oh ya, I'll get to that" list
8.  Let go of the rest

Here is the issue I struggle with.  I feel happiest and most successful when my lists are finished.  I feel like I finally have achieved balance when I can accomplish a list and have a little time available for something enjoyable or a small hobby.

Whenever I get anywhere close to that line---where I am finally swimming in very deep water instead of drowning, then I get this huge dump of responsibility and again I am drowning and overwhelmed.  (At which point, I mope for a little while, readjust my priorities, begin again at step 1, and put my head down and go to work.) 

I am a very hard worker and I don't mind working.  I can even find joy in mundane tasks.  Sometimes I just want a vacation!!

I was just getting to the point where I felt like I could manage my household and my family and all that goes into that and little big personal responsibilities I had been asked to do.  (Now these are not volunteer ones----I'm not talking about PTA, further schooling, employment {I recognize for some of you those may not be volunteer endeavors, but for me they are}.  Then BOOM!  Have another baby----again my body submerges 20 feet under water!  (I have issues with deep water over my head.  I am afraid I won't ever reach the surface and be able to breath.)

I am noticing a theme---  It is finally in my extremity that I turn to God.  I finally LOOK UP!!!!  (For enlightenment, read it!)

I am finally beginning to swim after this new baby.  FINALLY!  It has been 17 months and I finally feel like I am beginning to manage.  I know a wall of water is on the horizon.  I feel it coming.  I recognize I am already beginning to mope---because I sense its arrival.  I don't want to!  I fight!  It doesn't matter because the wall is still coming.

Today I recognized that I am not looking up.  I am looking at the floor.  I thought about the balloon idea. (read the link above) I figuratively did that and I feel lighter already.  Now comes the serious application---looking up through the water and while I try to reach the surface and break through until I can BREATH and SWIM!