Friday, April 10, 2015

Family First Friday #13 2015--Acknowledging drama.

I don't have an agenda about writing today.  I think I am just going to ramble for a bit and let the feelings come out.  I have definitely been stuffing them lately, but I am just not really sure what they are or why I have them.  As I write, the title will emerge.
This week has been nice, because we haven't been sick, but it has been so busy because there is so much work to catch up on because of our sickness and now Sun is a bit behind in school.  Plus, we have three big men coming home in the next two-three weeks.  I cannot believe they will be coming home so soon.  Sport has been struggling.  More than he let any of us know.  That is so hard as the mother.  You want to help them, but sometimes they don't even tell you they are struggling.  Then when they do, there is nothing more that you can do for them than to pray.  That is kind of how it is as they get bigger.  They have their own issues and they are big enough to work them out and learn from them.  You can give them counsel and advice if they let you know they need help.  But if they don't, then they don't.

I wonder if those are the feelings I am stuffing.  As mother or father, you have spent all of you time and effort in helping this young man or young woman to know how to make decisions and how to apply the gospel to circumstances they come across and questions they have, but how they actually apply your teachings and guidance, doesn't always look like you want it to.  But it is a learning curve they have to go through and as the parent, you have to let go of.  I think I do it at various times and through various issues, but some things you just don't let go of until they are going through it.
This is the pile right inside my front door--ah life!

I still don't have any of these men married.  I would imagine that after they are married, there is another whole realm of 'let it go' they are adults.  (I repeat this phrase to myself often.)  It is so strange to have one child in the house who needs and wants my help with everything (even going to the bathroom) and the other end of the spectrum where they do not want my help or counsel about anything!  One grown son called a few weeks ago to tell me his summer plans.  When I made a few suggestions about how he could complete his goals, he was quick to tell me that he wasn't asking for my counsel, and then he was offended that I had given it to him.  (I was pretty sure I was talking to him like an adult and not telling him what to do---but he didn't quite see it that way.  That was a lovely conversation too.)

Maybe having them all come home is kind of stressing me out too.  I am glad they will be here and I miss having them home, I really, really do.  I like my kids!!!  But having more home with more emotion and more relationships to manage and more stuff--it is stressful.  I think that is what I am stressing about and stuffing.  I am not acknowledging the up and coming stress on the horizon.  Wow!  That feels a lot better.

That is it.  I have two boys coming home who will bring with them their own emotional drama.  And our returned missionary who will be trying to adjust to not being a missionary, and Tams is leaving for Utah (all of that in the next four weeks plus Allison's school work is all due three weeks after that).  OK yes, I am beginning to get a better picture of why I am stuffing my emotions.  There is a lot of stress and change that will be happening here, along with all of the little people's feelings about the comings and goings of the Bigs.  (This of course, is not even taking into account the temporal stresses of finding and making space for the Bigs to rejoin the family.)  Being the oldest child growing up, I never saw all of this emotional and temporal drama that happens at home with the Big ones coming and going. Maybe now that I know what is happening, I can stop stuffing my face with food and begin dealing with my emotions.  Do you think?

the boys with my phone

I am glad that I have a week off.  This next week is spring break so maybe we can get Allison's homework under control and get her room in order and get people moved so we are ready for the Bigs to get home.  We are going to move Sun and Spike into the itty bitty room and let the Bigs have her room.  It will only be for the summer.  Then we can spread back out.  Spanky is only home for six weeks.  Sport is only here until his mission report time, which we don't know yet.  And Scuff will be home until the end of August.  It is kind of crazy here!

Sun and Speedy will be attending EFY too.  So that will help as we juggle people in and out.  Well, thanks for listening.  I really needed that.  Now I can clear out those stuffed emotions and get my little self to work and hopefully back on my weight-loss wagon.  I have really dropped 15 pounds :-)  It was 18 and I was fighting for 20, but with the stress lately, 15 is real.  Deep breath, several deep breaths.  I have done a good job and a great work.  I don't have to tank anything because life is stressful.  So I should probably give myself a good four weeks to let things settle a bit and then work on the weight loss.  If I can just maintain where I am, without gaining, I will be successful.  This moderation in all things is sure hard for my super A type personality.  But I am going to give myself permission to work on it without any expectations for four weeks.  Then we'll see where we are.  Yea!  Realistic goals.

Maybe next week, I'll be able to blog more since I won't be preparing seminary lessons every day.  But don't plan on it :-)  See you next Friday for sure :-)

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