Well, as I sit here, alone, the house is quiet, the baby is sleeping, the children are at a friend's and I have a very few moments of me time, I wonder what shall I do?? The thought is BLOG. Just a quick update of life with an infant.
The baby is amazing...truly. I am so very blessed with the opportunity to have a new spirit in our home. He reminds me daily of the precious process of mortality. We are so very fragile when we get here---so very dependent upon all of those around us we have to rely on to have our needs met---just basic needs--to be fed, changed, burped, held, loved, cherished. How much trust we must have. How much trust God is placing in us by sending them to our homes!! I do not have that same kind of faith and trust in humanity, yet.
The roller coaster of emotion is very alive and well at our house. It vacillates from elation and wonder (like the above paragraph) to frustration and sadness at not knowing how best to help little people and just stop the screaming and induce sleep. Yes, we are no different than any other home with a newborn. Two days ago the baby screamed most of the day and was not consolable. There are a few nights of not sleeping and plenty of tears to go along. But then there are other days when I just marvel at the entire process and offer consistent gratitude and praise for being allowed to participate, again and again.
I have a painting on my wall in the bedroom. It is a picture of Mary holding her infant, in a room made of stone, gazing up into the morning sun or coming moonlight--I'm not sure which. We see her from the back. The scene is peaceful with blue tones and hues, only changed by the light from hole in the wall. My cousin once told me, "Only a mother knows that look." I know that look. To me it says, "Help me! Help me to raise this child in a manner pleasing to Thee. Help me know what he needs, when to give it to him and when to withhold it. Help me to be strong enough, wise enough, patient enough.....help me to just BE enough...whatever that is." and "Thank you. Thank you for this precious gift! These precious moments that will only last for a few short months! Thank you." There is nothing like the feelings you have with a sleeping infant snuggled into your chest and silence all around as you take in that sacred air and offer your heart and soul in raising this child of Heaven. Indeed it is good that you have offered that, for that is what is required. But in the end, you receive not only what you gave but the increase of another heart and soul who calls you Mother.
I dearly love you Ryan!!! Thanks for joining the party! And welcome home!