The Spirit has helped me to recognize my motivations for desiring change and my husband has helped me to recognize that starting a new job, leaving our home, and changing everything for the children and us simply because my social life wasn't what I wanted it to be probably wasn't very realistic or fair to the rest of the family. (How much time does a mother of nine really have to socialize anyway??!) As the opportunity to move passed, I felt the weight of sadness settle in.
I recognized several things, which are all 'triggers' for me:
- Food. I have been eating stuff (milk mostly....ice cream, cheese, butter) I am allergic to, but I LOVE! (I even splurged and bought a jar of basil pesto because for the recipe I wanted needed 1 tablespoon. But I bought a 22 ounce jar---44 tablespoons!--and ate a little every day!) This is one of my coping mechanisms---comfort food, food I love but should not be eating! I justify it because I am sad and it makes me feel better.
- Staying up late and sleeping in. I can't do this everyday. But occasionally I stay up later than I should watching something entertaining because I want to feel better emotionally. I sleep in later than I should (which causes a bad start to an already busy day). I justify this behavior because I am tired, or I think I'm getting sick, or the baby was up in the middle of the night. The truth is, if I had gotten up when I should have, regardless of why I didn't, the day would have gone better.
- Scripture study and prayer. I am a schedule person. I do better with a consistent schedule. My very best scripture reading time is first thing in the morning. If I get up late, or the children are already up, or the baby is awake, or I'm running behind schedule, I justify not reading right now and tell myself I will get to it later. I NEVER consistently 'get to it later'. I know that. I have to take time in the morning. I need to be in the standard works (Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, Conference addresses) a little each day.
- Exercise. Just a little bit of physical activity does wonders for me emotionally. When I am emotionally struggling, I usually quit exercising as well. I need those 'feel good' endorphins that come from physical activity, even if it is just a quick walk around the block!
- Service. Service has to be a part of the happiness equation. This is never lacking for me because I am a mother with children at home. But if you do not have consistent opportunities for service, then you need to find ways that you can help lift and serve other people.
So..................I am climbing back on the wagon, a little at a time. First things first. Scriptures and prayers every morning regardless of time, even if I only read one verse. I am eliminating milk (easier said than done---but I do it all the time! Guess I'll give away the rest of the pesto and not buy anymore!) Exercise and schedules I'll look at correcting in the next week or so, but let's make the more significant changes first. Let's face it, I know where my strength comes from. If I am trying to develop a healthy body, would I quit eating? So when I am trying to develop a healthy spirit (strong and happy), should I stop nourishing it? Absolutely not! This is where my strength to persist comes from! This is the most significant and necessary change to have in place!
Oh, and I'm almost done painting the 'man cave' (family room) which is helping my mood A LOT, too! (And planting pretty flowers----a girl's gotta' have flowers, right?)
Chin up, move forward! Come on little camper, we can do this!! (This is my positive self-talk :-)