Now the story.
My calling serving in the Primary (children 18 months - 11 years) has been quite challenging lately. Recently we have doubled our children, lost half of our teachers and we have really been struggling in the reverence department.
I was complaining to one of my college boys after a particularly difficult Sunday. In mid-sentence, he cut me off.
"I don't mean to be rude or insensitive Mom, but to be honest, that is your life. You signed some pre-existence contract that agreed to working with people with difficult attitudes and very strong wills. I mean, look at it, you had me, (names some of his siblings), and then (names some of the youth and children I have worked with). I don't feel bad for you. This is your life and it in some contract you agreed to that you would do it."
His words struck a tone and resonated in my heart. This is my life. He wasn't even aware of some of the adults that has included. As soon as I help one attitude move along or change or adjust, another one equally large and determined fills the space. It is not that I need to dominate it, quite the contrary. My job is to shape it, with love and kindness, to persuade it to righteousness. Sometimes I feel like I am fighting Hell itself---for the reality of the situation is that I am.
The adversary is fighting just as hard to persuade them in the other direction. (As a side note, to those of you reading my blog who are currently fighting on his side, I may not know who you are or what country you are residing in, but God does. He knows who you are, where you are, and He knows your intent. Together, He and I will not allow you to spew your filth through my blog. This is sacred space and it protects the innocent, and the not so innocent. I invite you to consider changing your lives and the hold the adversary has on you. Start here. And just know, He loves you too, regardless of the changes necessary in your lives. He will be there for you through the difficult road of repentance. Start today.)
Maybe you might ask why this is my assignment. Well, if the truth is told, I have one--an attitude. I completely understand the attitudes because I constantly struggle against my own. My desire is for righteousness, but I fight change and I have a fiery temper (just ask anyone who has crossed the line).
I understand the desires of people's hearts to punch someone because of their behavior or words, so when the behavior actually happens, I feel like I know what they were thinking. When their nasty words fly out in a heated conflict, they are probably similar things that have gone through my head. I just do a better job of controlling my behavior in those instances.
One time my husband was teasing me about spending all of the money in our house and why we didn't have any. I just said, 'Ya', it's all my fault.' A few minutes later he said, "What you should have said was: 'well, if I was the one paying the bills, that might be a valid comment, really you are the one spending all the money.'" Then I thought, 'Why don't I say stuff like that?' The immediate thought in my head was, "Because you are nice and you care about how people feel, so you don't say things like that." And I usually don't, but when pushed to the line, all those things go through my brain. Unfortunately, sometimes they still come out of my mouth. I am working on that.
Back to the start of this post: Can you recognize constant themes in your life? Is there something you manage, struggle with, or constantly experience that may indicate that you signed a contract in the pre-existence? If you ask Heavenly Father to help you see it, I know He will, because chances are, it is there for your eternal growth and development!