I have so much running around in my head and heart right now, that I just decided that I had better give up my 'big dreams' of what the 300th post should look like and start writing so I can move on!
|copyright Karen Larsen photography|
Starting from today and moving backward:
I have had a few more Ms. P interactions (for background, see this post [The Saga] and this post [Lessons learned from the Saga]). The interesting thing is that since I know and understand why I have issues with her, when we have another Ms. P incident, I can recognize that my initial reactions are not kind and should be curtailed until I have more time to think and process a proper response. This week, I was again infuriated at another incident. Instead of reacting immediately, I simply left the situation, and prayed for help in responding like the Savior. My anger was still an issue in the evening (incident began about 2:30). But as I wound down for the evening and got ready for bed, one of my children made a comment that led to a thought that gave me new insight into some of her struggles. My heart softened and as I drifted off to sleep, I had a clear idea of what my behavior should be. Then in the morning I prayed for more strength and acted. However she chooses to react to my action, is not my responsibility. It is hers. I was kind. I was gentle. I was open and managed my response with an open heart and with the Spirit.
This week we have been catching up on Sun's homework. I think it is all in a good place. We are actually on track and I don't think it will cause us too much stress to keep on top of it.
My laundry is backed up from two weeks of not doing it because of March madness and illness. The games are back on tomorrow and I only have one person who is still kind of sick. The rest of us are functioning. And I have been plowing through the laundry.
Sport has been getting everything ready for graduation and his attendance at BYU in the summer and fall. You know, even though the kids grow and leave the house and they aren't here everyday to eat each meal and wash their laundry, they still need my time and attention. Sometimes I need to drop whatever my agenda is for the day because one of the college boys calls and wants or needs to talk or needs help with something. Because their schedules are crazy, with school and work and activities, I usually need to drop my agenda to talk with them when they are available. I guess it still amazes me how much time it takes and trying to make the sacrifice to drop whatever I think I need to be doing at that moment. Crazy.
I watched a girl friend's little people for about an hour the other day (they were about 2 years and 3 years old). All I could think of when they left was, wow, I am so very glad we are older than that. They were adorable and not any trouble. Really. It just reminded me how very difficult those days were when we were all so very little! Exhausting. There is a special place reserved in heaven for mothers whose children are so little and so close together.
In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. The young years are often those when either husband or wife—or both—may still be in school or in those earliest and leanest stages of developing the husband’s breadwinning capacities. Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent. The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs—Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard. The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island. .....
When you have come to the Lord in meekness and lowliness of heart and, as one mother said, “pounded on the doors of heaven to ask for, to plead for, to demand guidance and wisdom and help for this wondrous task,” that door is thrown open to provide you the influence and the help of all eternity. Claim the promises of the Savior of the world. Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children. Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you.
You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you—He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.
Remember, remember all the days of your motherhood: “Ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.” 10
Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” 11 You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” 12 And it will make your children whole as well.
This is one of those talks that I always keep close. I need the doctrine and the support that comes from these words of Elder Holland. I need them many times throughout the year.
Tomorrow my seventh child turns 11!! We are only three years away from all but one of the children being in mutual!!! That is so crazy!!
Well, that's my update. There, of course, is much more drama going on than that, but since it is private drama and not public drama, I cannot tell you all of it. Just know that whenever I am quiet, I am wading through lots and lots of drama in lots and lots of areas that affect my life :-)
So, maybe my next post will actually and a theme and a focus. Or maybe not!