|copyright: Karen Larsen photography|
Last year, in September, we applied for another job at another court. (And actually, we applied for a different job at a different court, the February a year before that.) Our applications were not because we wanted to leave the area, but the jobs announcements fell into our lap and we felt prompted to follow the processes through. The job in February Drew actually pulled out of the interview process because he felt that even if they offered him the job, we couldn't really afford to take it with the cost of living and housing in that area. Going through that process was huge for me, because it helped me to uncover some feelings that I didn't realize I had. They were stuffed way down there. I really believe that if we had not participated in that recruiting process, those feelings never would have surfaced.
The job in September was slightly different. I was told to ask Heavenly Father for the job, which confused me because I wasn't really sure that I wanted it. But I was obedient to the promptings. Then, because I was told to ask for it and how important it would be for the growth and development of my spouse, I assumed it was the Lord's will to give it to us. Today He is giving it to us, just not in the court we applied to. He is giving it to Drew here in the area where we already live and work. When I thought we were moving, I began keeping a 'secret' blog that I planned to unveil when the move happened. But since the move isn't happening, but the job is, I felt it was time to unveil it anyway.
It has been an interesting process to recognize that even when we do what the Lord asks, things don't necessarily (or usually in my life) turn out the way I anticipate or expect---the blessing comes, but it never looks like I think it will. I thought you might enjoy reading my process. Maybe it will help you as you sort through revelations and information you have been given. My blog posts for this process are entitled 'Maybe Moving'. I will start posting them tomorrow and throughout the next couple of weeks.
If you want to know what days I actually wrote those blogs, you can match the photos in those blogs with the photos in another blog, and then you will know which days I wrote which blogs. Does that make sense? The photos in the blogs that I wrote on the same days will match. I don't think I did that with the first or second maybe moving posts, but I did do it with the rest.
I asked my husband how he is feeling about the announcement. He said, well, there will be some people who are happy and excited, some who do not care, but several who will not be happy and will try to undermine him. Won't that be lovely? I really hate politics--anywhere, but especially small town politics. But really, regardless of what size of city we live in, we all have to deal with small town politics, because wherever we work, or go to school, or go to church, or sometimes even in our own families, we all have small groups where people aren't always happy or kind when things go well for us. That is so sad to me. I wish we could all just be happy for the successes of those around us. Another person's blessings does not mean something negative about us. I struggle with it too and I have to fight my own feelings when someone else receives a blessing I want.
I struggled for many, many years because we could never afford to purchase a home. We still have not done so. After watching all of my friends purchase their first homes, sell those and purchase their second ones, and then watch some of my young women get married and purchase their homes, while I still haven't bought one has been super hard for me. One of the only things I have ever wanted in life, was to own a home. I finally had to decide that if that was not a blessing I was granted, it needed to be OK with me. I think what finally did it was recognizing that I couldn't take it with me anyway, so why did I care if I owned one in mortality? And I had to just let it go, which I did.
|copyright: Karen Larsen photography|
Regardless of the responses of those around us, I am grateful for the gospel in my life. I am grateful the Lord honors His promises, even when they don't look the way I thought they would. I can trust Him. That is another huge lesson for me personally. I have trouble trusting anyone, God included. It takes a tremendous amount of faith and prayer to do what I know He wants especially when things don't usually look the way I think they should. But I have found that the way Heavenly Father does it, always matches what He told me, blesses me more than I could have imagined, and happens in the time that is best for my learning and growth and development. Life and the growth that comes with it is so hard sometimes--even when the blessings are amazing!
Have a great day and enjoy reading the process!!