Thursday, June 18, 2015

Maybe Moving....but no plan in sight

So today I fasted about moving.  I have felt so sure that we were moving and were going to get this job.  It has been frustrating because I had in my head how things would go.  We would go to the interview, maybe have a second interview, be offered the job and then make the move.  It would be that straight forward and easy................even though moving is never easy.

When it didn't happen that way, and I was reminded that I was told that it wouldn't happen that way, I held on for a little while with the hope that it would come through soon.  And then it didn't come, and it didn't come, and it didn't come.  I kept wondering if it was coming.  Could all that has happened just been in my head?  Could I have misunderstood the things I was feeling and thinking that much?  Really?  I have been really, really struggling.  Then yesterday I came to the place where I thought I must just have been completely wrong and misunderstood everything.  I was sad, mostly because I felt like I had been so very wrong and missed the information or the point of the information.

Today I fasted for clarity.  Yep.  That was it.  I just fasted for clarity--clarity in my thinking and my understanding of what I had been told and what the Spirit had been trying to communicate to me.  Sunday morning as I was doing the dishes (a lot of my inspiration comes while I am doing the dishes, or in the shower, or anywhere when my body is busy working, but it doesn't take much of a brain), and the clarity came.  'You are moving.  Yes, you are moving.  Be patient.  Be faithful.'

"Then why am I having such a difficult time remembering that information?  Why do I keep doubting?"

'Because I cannot give you the blessings if you do not have the faith that it will happen.'


I think I am blogging this mostly so that the next time that I doubt, I can reread this and remind myself that not only do I feel like we are moving, not only have I asked to have these specific blessings, not only have I had numerous impressions that validate that we are moving, but now I have fasted and asked directly and received further evidence that the previous information is correct.

This entire process is so very interesting, and frustrating.  My Father in Heaven has a time-table.  He has a plan.  Things are going according to His plan.  I do not have any clue what the plan is, or how it is coming together, and at this point, I have no external validation that the plan will happen.  But I have multiple spiritual witnesses that moving is on the agenda.  So now we wait-----or I wait, and exercise my faith.

Here is the talk I rely on most in situations like this:  Cast Not Away Therefore Thy Confidence, by Elder Holland.  The other talk that has helped me lately has been Trial of Your Faith, by Elder Andersen.
Wish me luck  I don't want luck----just pray for me as I continue to wade through this process.  Thanks for your support!

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